I am so frustrated. we haven't felt close in a long time. Our arguments get loud, why does she yell like that? I push and push to get him to hear me, but I never seem to get through to him. We stopped having sex. I genuinely am starting to doubt if they care anymore. It's easier not to care, I'm so tired of being told I'm doing it wrong. I knew we had some problems but I never thought in a million years they would have an affair.
One of you (probably the one reading this) pursues. You might be the anxious question asker, “Are you ok? Is anything wrong? Why don’t we talk anymore?” or the frustrated manager, “Why wasn’t this done? How many times do I have to ask? Why can’t you remember to do this??” Your partner freezes and shuts down, or they roll their eyes and sometimes shout back. They start feeling like they can never get it right, and you start to doubt if they care about you at all anymore.
You just found out your partner had an affair. Or your partner just found out about your affair and told you it’s your job to find the therapist since you’re the one who just destroyed everything. Welcome. Your world just got turned upside down. You want to know why this happened, and you want to know if you can trust each other again. Most married couples do stay together after affairs (around 75%), but you don’t want to just move past this, you want to see if you can build a better relationship than you had before.
The We Might Be Broken
Things have been bad for a long, long time. It’s hard to even remember the times that were good, but you know they must have been there because you got together at some point. You’re not sure if you want to stay in this anymore, and that honestly might be the right choice. But, how do we talk about this? How do we even begin to have these conversations of what our futures, together or separate would look like?