Transition Time

Time is the resource most thin on the ground for most couples I see, especially who have young kids. I think creating time for anything can feel almost laughable. That being said, present and intimate connection with your partner (and here I’m mostly meaning conversational intimacy) seems to work much better when people get a chance to come back to themselves after out-putting all day with work and kid-care. Some people don’t need this, and that’s fine, but many people do.

I think for many people it can feel guilt-inducing to ask for a little time for themselves before transitioning to emotional intimacy. There really is so little time for everyone’s needs. I know for myself it’s tough to state these kinds of needs explicitly, so I can end up powering through but being more irritable or disconnected. It might be interesting to experiment talking to your partner about what a little transition time might look like for each of you at the end of long days, and before you make some intentional time to connect. You can test it out - does it help improve presence and connection when you come back together?